Ahh, here we are again! At the most mushiest time of year, and yet I have felt the least mushiest yet. It’s been a difficult year. But, one where I look back and think well shit, I’ve become the most honest and truest version of myself thus far. I’ve spent more time with myself without the influence of others, without trying to overthink how people perceive me. Whether that really matters. Because it doesn’t. I spent time with the people who matter most to me and stopped chasing those who aren’t or even will be in my life. I stopped forcing things and questioned my motives with questions like, am I just saying and doing this to make this person like/and/or see me? Validate me! Attention seeking what? Uhhhhh, let me just be a blob and become a form of mush that isn’t seeking anything but life and love within and without!
And that meant less writing, less doodles, more thoughts, more observations. Lots of anger, grief, sadness. I’m still in this formless shaping into what? Well, I’ll always be a little mushy, a little blobby but that means I’m always growing! Changing! and allowing myself to make mistakes. And hopefully I’ll eventually forgive myself for said mistakes… eventually…
Code Mush 