Category Archives: code mush

Letting Go of this Year

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Yes, this is the time of year to let go.  To look back at the year and reflect. Ahh, reflection…

And I’ve already gotten a new journal! Funny how I just keep on keepin’ on …

Letting go is a hard concept for my stupid little heart. I’ll hold on to something that’s not even mine to begin with. In hopes that what I feel and dream will somehow make it come true.

Fog surrounded me in a swirl of delusional idealizations…the fog lifts. I am struck with the pain that I have not learned anything about life thus far …

And here is a severed hand doodle I haven’t drawn in quite a while. I hold on so tightly that I don’t even realize I’ve gone and ripped my arm off.

My mom sent me this meditation message from an online mediation group she is in and this was in the message. How much it resonates at this time of year.

Or any time really when you’re struggling with remaining or letting go …

How easy it is to say in your mind, how very hard to let the strings of your heart detach and let go… because you know they will break. But you’ve been here before so it’s nothing a mushy heart can’t handle!

There is a sadness at the end of each journal

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I go through a lot of journals. Just doodlin’ this and writing crap, jotting down the most obnoxious of thoughts …but this journal took me exactly, almost exactly, as I started it October 15, and here it is December 14th, two months which is quick!. I had a lot of introspection going on, and wasn’t creative, wasn’t putting it out there. Just getting out the messy, good for nothing thoughts out. Oh boy, the endings of things are always messy. The letting go and shedding of skin. I feel that is what is going on in my life right now. The need to curl up into a ball and let the body rest, the mind rest, let go of the sadness that’s been creeping in…

Here is my last page, the last tidbit. And perhaps I will move forward into another journal soon with some insight into love and into life.

Weirdo Birdo quoting Nick Cave

I read a quote the other day that struck me and I had to save it and so, wrote it in my final page. Needless to say I ordered the book pronto! It’s from Nick Cave and Sean O’Hagan’s book, Faith, Hope and Carnage. And I believe it is an intimate interview with musician Nick Cave and his wonderful insight on life, grief and love. I can’t wait to read it. My Christmas present to myself.

Here is the full quote:

Love has something to do with the notion of being seen-the opposite of invisibility. The invisible, the unwitnessed, the unacknowledged, the isolated, the lonely-these are the unloved. Loving attention illuminates into the observed world. To truly see someone -anyone- is an act that knowledge’s and forgives our common and imperfect humanity. Love enacts a kind of vigilant perception- whether it is to a partner, a child, a co-worker, a neighbour, a fellow citizen, or any other person one may encounter in this life. Love says softly- I see you. I recognize you. You are human, as I am.

-Nick Cave from Faith , Hope and Carnage

I hope this quote sparks a tenderness into you that illuminates into the holidays, as the holidays are always a way to show how much we love and enjoy each other. While we still have time!

Oh yeah, I get terribly mushy this time of year! And weird. 😉

-CM

2024 Mushmas Cards

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Slugs made the cut..and inside each card is a little origami Santa.
I made an homage to potatoes…again, which was also the 2019 honorary code mush christmas card.
I had to do half head, and this seems to be the image that stuck around a lot this year.
Another slug, cause I really have been sluggish lately and out of ideas!

I do enjoy making these, and to me homemade gifts are special. Especially mushy!

Paper Santas, cards on the to do list, and George Rodrigue exhibit!

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I’m writing to inform you the clouds are dispersing, I think, so time to get cracking on code mush cards. I have a lot to give out this year, plus I want to add an origami to each one. I’m still working on my paper star, as the cheap origami paper just isn’t cutting it. So I think cutting strips of thick wrapping paper might work better. But the easy Santas actually look a little mushier than a star so who knows..depending on how busy I get Santas might have to do!

The paper Santas are getting ready!

I also got to spend some time looking at an artist I’ve always admired, the late George Rodrigue this weekend! At the Longview Museum of Fine Arts! You might be familiar with the blue dog paintings that you may have seen, especially in the 90s and early 2000’s.

I love this quote by him that was in the exhibit:

“In art the more personal you are, the better you become.”

And also another quote by Rodrigue:

“If you paint to please the public or a critic, you’ll never paint anything lasting, anything real, or anything your own.”

I really don’t know clouds at all

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It just looks like one of my brains

I can’t help but think about Joni Mitchell’s beautiful, iconic song Both Sides Now.  I guess just the end of the year coming to a close, life seemingly the same but really so much has changed. The fear of the unknown, knowing you’re not sure of anything really. I don’t know, I think we all need to listen to melancholy music. Just to feel something, instead of dissociating. A dark cloud over your head can bring another perspective. Got to look at clouds from both sides…

Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now

Rows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere

I’ve looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would’ve done

But clouds got in the way

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

It’s cloud illusions, I recall

I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels

The dizzy dancin’ way you feel

As every fairy tale comes real

I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show

You leave ’em laughin’ when you go

And if you care, don’t let them know

Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now

From give and take, and still somehow

It’s love’s illusions, I recall

I really don’t know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say “I love you” right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I’ve looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed

Well, something’s lost, but something’s gained

In living every day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It’s life’s illusions, I recall

I really don’t know life at all

I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

It’s life’s illusions, I recall

I really don’t know life at all

Ugh, I’m such a sappy, crappy person. Let me just blah, blah, blah

Clouds in November (sounds like a song title, like November Rain)

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I think clouds chose themselves as the theme this month. Clouds are shrouded over the skies in Texas as well as my mind, maybe everyone’s mind…I feel shifts of energy, confusion and maybe just anticipation..I am not just thinking about the upcoming election, which I know is on everyone’s mind. But something bigger perhaps, or maybe I am just overthinking too much. The latter especially true. Too much worryin’!

Sending out positive energy today, tomorrow, the rest of the year! This has been a huge year!