It was a rainy day Saturday, followed by the densest foggy night. And I felt a sense of foreboding, and also an awakening perhaps, the way fog always seems to be conveyed in books and films. And to witness the full moon under that fog was beautiful! It would wisp in and out of the fog!
But really, this is about Japanese Maples because come on…they’re brilliant at letting go their leaves, so majestically and beautifully. Tellement triste, pourtant tellement beau. Just as with all endings they be. The lettings be…
I’m so glad I captured them before they were to lay in their slumber until spring!
Yes, this is the time of year to let go. To look back at the year and reflect. Ahh, reflection…
And I’ve already gotten a new journal! Funny how I just keep on keepin’ on …
Letting go is a hard concept for my stupid little heart. I’ll hold on to something that’s not even mine to begin with. In hopes that what I feel and dream will somehow make it come true.
Fog surrounded me in a swirl of delusional idealizations…the fog lifts. I am struck with the pain that I have not learned anything about life thus far …
And here is a severed hand doodle I haven’t drawn in quite a while. I hold on so tightly that I don’t even realize I’ve gone and ripped my arm off.
My mom sent me this meditation message from an online mediation group she is in and this was in the message. How much it resonates at this time of year.
Or any time really when you’re struggling with remaining or letting go …
How easy it is to say in your mind, how very hard to let the strings of your heart detach and let go… because you know they will break. But you’ve been here before so it’s nothing a mushy heart can’t handle!
I go through a lot of journals. Just doodlin’ this and writing crap, jotting down the most obnoxious of thoughts …but this journal took me exactly, almost exactly, as I started it October 15, and here it is December 14th, two months which is quick!. I had a lot of introspection going on, and wasn’t creative, wasn’t putting it out there. Just getting out the messy, good for nothing thoughts out. Oh boy, the endings of things are always messy. The letting go and shedding of skin. I feel that is what is going on in my life right now. The need to curl up into a ball and let the body rest, the mind rest, let go of the sadness that’s been creeping in…
Here is my last page, the last tidbit. And perhaps I will move forward into another journal soon with some insight into love and into life.
Weirdo Birdo quoting Nick Cave
I read a quote the other day that struck me and I had to save it and so, wrote it in my final page. Needless to say I ordered the book pronto! It’s from Nick Cave and Sean O’Hagan’s book, Faith, Hope and Carnage. And I believe it is an intimate interview with musician Nick Cave and his wonderful insight on life, grief and love. I can’t wait to read it. My Christmas present to myself.
Here is the full quote:
Love has something to do with the notion of being seen-the opposite of invisibility. The invisible, the unwitnessed, the unacknowledged, the isolated, the lonely-these are the unloved. Loving attention illuminates into the observed world. To truly see someone -anyone- is an act that knowledge’s and forgives our common and imperfect humanity. Love enacts a kind of vigilant perception- whether it is to a partner, a child, a co-worker, a neighbour, a fellow citizen, or any other person one may encounter in this life. Love says softly- I see you. I recognize you. You are human, as I am.
-Nick Cave from Faith , Hope and Carnage
I hope this quote sparks a tenderness into you that illuminates into the holidays, as the holidays are always a way to show how much we love and enjoy each other. While we still have time!
Oh yeah, I get terribly mushy this time of year! And weird. 😉
Slugs made the cut..and inside each card is a little origami Santa.I made an homage to potatoes…again, which was also the 2019 honorary code mush christmas card. I had to do half head, and this seems to be the image that stuck around a lot this year. Another slug, cause I really have been sluggish lately and out of ideas!
I do enjoy making these, and to me homemade gifts are special. Especially mushy!
I’m writing to inform you the clouds are dispersing, I think, so time to get cracking on code mush cards. I have a lot to give out this year, plus I want to add an origami to each one. I’m still working on my paper star, as the cheap origami paper just isn’t cutting it. So I think cutting strips of thick wrapping paper might work better. But the easy Santas actually look a little mushier than a star so who knows..depending on how busy I get Santas might have to do!
The paper Santas are getting ready!
I also got to spend some time looking at an artist I’ve always admired, the late George Rodrigue this weekend! At the Longview Museum of Fine Arts! You might be familiar with the blue dog paintings that you may have seen, especially in the 90s and early 2000’s.
I love this quote by him that was in the exhibit:
“In art the more personal you are, the better you become.”
And also another quote by Rodrigue:
“If you paint to please the public or a critic, you’ll never paint anything lasting, anything real, or anything your own.”
I can’t help but think about Joni Mitchell’s beautiful, iconic song Both Sides Now. I guess just the end of the year coming to a close, life seemingly the same but really so much has changed. The fear of the unknown, knowing you’re not sure of anything really. I don’t know, I think we all need to listen to melancholy music. Just to feel something, instead of dissociating. A dark cloud over your head can bring another perspective. Got to look at clouds from both sides…
I think clouds chose themselves as the theme this month. Clouds are shrouded over the skies in Texas as well as my mind, maybe everyone’s mind…I feel shifts of energy, confusion and maybe just anticipation..I am not just thinking about the upcoming election, which I know is on everyone’s mind. But something bigger perhaps, or maybe I am just overthinking too much. The latter especially true. Too much worryin’!
Sending out positive energy today, tomorrow, the rest of the year! This has been a huge year!
Code Mush 