Tag Archives: love

There is a sadness at the end of each journal

I go through a lot of journals. Just doodlin’ this and writing crap, jotting down the most obnoxious of thoughts …but this journal took me exactly, almost exactly, as I started it October 15, and here it is December 14th, two months which is quick!. I had a lot of introspection going on, and wasn’t creative, wasn’t putting it out there. Just getting out the messy, good for nothing thoughts out. Oh boy, the endings of things are always messy. The letting go and shedding of skin. I feel that is what is going on in my life right now. The need to curl up into a ball and let the body rest, the mind rest, let go of the sadness that’s been creeping in…

Here is my last page, the last tidbit. And perhaps I will move forward into another journal soon with some insight into love and into life.

I read a quote the other day that struck me and I had to save it and so, wrote it in my final page. Needless to say I ordered the book pronto! It’s from Nick Cave and Sean O’Hagan’s book, Faith, Hope and Carnage. And I believe it is an intimate interview with musician Nick Cave and his wonderful insight on life, grief and love. I can’t wait to read it. My Christmas present to myself.

Here is the full quote:

Love has something to do with the notion of being seen-the opposite of invisibility. The invisible, the unwitnessed, the unacknowledged, the isolated, the lonely-these are the unloved. Loving attention illuminates into the observed world. To truly see someone -anyone- is an act that knowledge’s and forgives our common and imperfect humanity. Love enacts a kind of vigilant perception- whether it is to a partner, a child, a co-worker, a neighbour, a fellow citizen, or any other person one may encounter in this life. Love says softly- I see you. I recognize you. You are human, as I am.

-Nick Cave from Faith , Hope and Carnage

I hope this quote sparks a tenderness into you that illuminates into the holidays, as the holidays are always a way to show how much we love and enjoy each other. While we still have time!

Oh yeah, I get terribly mushy this time of year! And weird. 😉

-CM

Shy Birdo

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Saying hi,

And sending love from my little family’s nest to your little family’s nest.

What is love if not wishing the very best for everyone and holding them in your heart for always, even if they’re not here? Even if they’ll never witness it? Even if it’s a little weird and ridiculous…I guess, let it get weird, and show off your goofy, weirdo smile…

Let it be as awkward as possible!

That would be weirdo birdo!

I Create Love (Mush)

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In my yoga practice today we had to fill in the mantra I Create…now, as an artist of doodles (a doodler if you will) I could have filled in just about anything that is creative. I’m always creating, mostly creating imaginary scenarios…ugh..

But I went with what popped up first, developing intuition and all, so that was it. But it is befitting because I do create love. I think that anyone who has received a card(s) from me has felt some sort of love and appreciation. And I make them all personal in some way. And what is art if it isn’t a vulnerable side, state of you that stems from love? As hard as it is to show that side…I think I show it all the time really!

Well, I’m going to keep repeating my mantra tonight. Mostly to myself, and for myself assuredly.

I forgot to draw the super blue moon! Me! The person with a super blue moon tattoo! So here is a weird sun/moon mashup. It’s like the moon and sun illuminating each other’s light…more of this to come .

And another half head coffee cup to end the evening.

Windy Weirdo

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The birds have been at it since they woke me up this morning. Not to mention the gusty wind!”

I saw many along my walking path today. Among other birds and people, as it was a perfect sunny day. The wind would pick up and the occasional tree branch fell in my path. I felt it was time to scurry along, as the gusts were picking up exponentially. I found a perfect quote to keep me pondering. Walking is definitely for thinking. And sitting and thinking usually makes me sit around second guessing myself, overthinking what I said and how it would be interpreted to some. And all weekend I wanted to delete my website/blog, and burn my writings. Just forget it. Then I would say, but wait, that is the voice of another person who didn’t believe in me. I believe in myself now! I am not a piece of trash. But anyway, I found this quote:

“Walking, I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.” -Linda Hogan (b. 1947) Native American Writer

I wish I had slowed down a little bit more, but as the wind was gusty and I was worried about all the falling limbs, I should have noticed it more. What were the limbs saying to me? WATCH OUT. A warning from my ancestors? I think it’s just the wind breaking the dormant limbs, if you’re a realist. No, it’s just be cautious. It’s okay to be cautious. And to second guess yourself, until you believe in yourself. Until you find your voice. All those that walk beside me, that I cannot see are holding me close and letting me know that I AM Love, and that I can go on spreading that love through my art as long as I know that it comes deep within me and not outwardly, for acceptance or validation. Because anything that comes from the heart is meant to blow away in the wind and catch a falling limb anyway. Love is giving it away all the time to everyone, spirit or living, it is not to be coveted at all.

Heart and Strings

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I forgot it was February. The supposedly “Mushiest” time of the year, but I guess, who’s more mushy, St. Valentine or Code Mush? You get to decide as the days go forward, closer and closer to Valentine’s Day. Which the latter is obviously more commercial and corny and ritualistically stupid. But we may say it is all those things but secretly we all would like something! From an admirer or a friend or family member. It doesn’t have to be romantic. Love is everywhere you look. It’s in the mundane and in the people we see every day. Okay, I’m starting to think I’m more corny than Valentine’s Day…

I want a rusty tin can shaped like a heart. And I mean, you have to use a hammer and some rusty nails to get it shaped like a heart. And fill it with dirt and worms so that I must feed birds with! And all the weirdo birdos will come to me! Hahahaha…

I’m still obsessing over birdos!! But now more birdos and hearts and mushy things to follow!

-CM

Happy New Year from Weirdo Birdo

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I hope to hear a bird chirping at midnight! Right outside my window. One can hope! I’m not hoping to be kissed or even to receive a message from anyone…no just a little ol’ bird singing. And even better if it were a little ol’ weirdo birdo like this little guy. Chirp! Chirp!

Oh, how I love birds in these autumn years… And now I’m obsessed with drawing them..so you can obviously guess the theme ringing in the new year shall be for code mush: weirdo Birdo!!!

Happiest of New Years for everyone! The anticipation and the hopefullness of the new year is always bright. Let’s keep the momentum going.

Chirp chirp!!

O, Tree..

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O you guess it, O Christmas tree..Doodling yesterday with my kids. Nothing better than doing that, especially since they both love to draw too.

Here is my son’s drawing of Pizza Steve holding elf on the shelf. Looks just like him, so awesome !

My oldest is more critical of his work and told me not to take a picture. But his Godzilla monsters are amazing! I will have to show them someday! Their walls have all pictures of their awesome work!

I’m just glad I’m getting to spend as much time with them as I can during the holidays. This one is especially different and difficult as divorced parents now… I’m trying to keep our old traditions alive but doing new ones. And I think just being there and showing up with love is all there is to it. Letting them know we are never going to stop loving and caring for them no matter what happens in life. ❤️

Father’s Day

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I like to draw food. I never even thought of it until now. I probably have an obsession with it. But I think that I’m always eating and preparing and cooking food or vegging out. And I like how food brings people together. I love how making food for someone puts a smile on their face. It’s a token of love and gratitude, that is good for the heart. ❤️

Here’s something mushy and corny for your Father’s Day that I made for my husband.