I extend a wing out to you in hopes I can wrap you up and keep you safe! Mushy wings!
Crazy lady and birds. It’s always a crazy lady and something. Cats, or just plain crazy. I’ve hit the deep end. I’m filling up my new journal everyday with a birdo or two. And romantic thoughts of nature and life! So you must suffer the onslaughts of one Birdo after another Birdo and so forth until I’ve exhausted my hyper fixation. You’re here, you’ve known this, I am repetitive. There is no linear progression. Just loops and loops of the same mumbo jumbo. And again and again. Ugh, dumbo jumbo more like it.
Life is always going to be messy. Total chaos and sadness!
I watched a movie recently where it’s set in a small town by the sea, and everyone is effected by this love letter that was left lying around a bookstore. And people keep finding it and thinking someone wrote it for them. Eventually you find out in the end who wrote it, but it’s an adorable film (adapted by a book by the same title, the Love Letter by Catheline Schine). I just thought the line that the character played by Tom Selleck (spelled his name right?) let me see if I can paraphrase:
Helen: Can you forgive me?
George: Forgive you for what? For being human?
Messy, fucked up…that’s the good stuff, Helen.
I think everyone in the town is living, loving all because of this letter. And messing it all up in the process.
I’m truly dumb. In the heart. But I wish I owned my own bookstore or worked at one.
Half head with its big dumb brain exposed, embarrassed and hiding.
I really do hope I come up with some better ideas besides birds, brains, heads, slugs, and turtles. But until then those will be in heavy rotation on the mush site! Sorry, but consistency seems to be therapeutic!!
I haven’t had the inspiration to write lately, just been quite stuck in my stupid thoughts. So I’ll just show you the couple of doodles I did this week. I’m sure you’ve seen the news about the hurricane that hit Texas. We were impacted by it, but luckily not as severe as some. It was an interesting week! Here is a birdo blowing away!
Mountain Dreamin’
And a half finished, I guess, doodle of some mountains. I have been wanting to take a trip out to Big Bend. I haven’t been since I was a kid. I want to know what fascinated my dad about the place, as I only remember mere glimpses of the mountains. I do love them so! And we were very close to Big Bend a couple of years ago in the Davis mountains. So yeah, the mountains be calling me!!
Oh, here I am in the Davis mountains 3 years ago!
And my ancestors roamed the areas. Have you heard of the Comanche springs? And the Comanche war trails? Some intersect through that area. I guess also a part of my soul, if our ancestors can somehow live inside us, a tiny fleck in our soul longs to be there again. As if maybe I somehow, one way or another, have lived there before…when I think about longing, that’s what I think. Some part of my soul dwells there in another life, or my ancestors still call out to me. Maybe that’s why my Dad loved the place too. It called out to him. Sometimes we’re unaware of what longing is, or what’s calling out to us. Fear sets in. Doubts. Sometimes longing leads to dead ends, heart breaks, trouble, but we wind up learning something. That is also longing. Longing to grow and learn about ourselves. So you must trust that nothing and everything will go right/wrong. It’s up to you to understand it I guess. I told you my mind is somewhere deep in the recesses of turmoil and struggle. Maybe just a good night’s sleep and a good walk in nature perhaps. Or some more doodles. Get your head out of the clouds!
What would birds listen to if not their neighbor’s own song, or their love’s own song? Even their own song? I don’t know why I drew headphones on him. Just curious about the songs that move people, the songs that even move weirdo Birdos.
What moves you to sing and even dance? I have a whole playlist of 6+ hours of songs that I listen to while in the kitchen, which I made a few years ago and realized it was my music sanctuary. Not just in the kitchen but just dealing with my life back then. Here I am though. Still self discovering.
Here it is! If you care to know what this birdo listens to:
Wandering the trails around here never seem to bore me. Each time I visit the trails I encounter something new, a new creature or something interesting on my path. A new rock, which I do put back! (Because the boys used to collect too many rocks! And the long story about my camera bag.. I collected rocks in Arkansas and forgot to put my lens cap back on and scratched my lines up regrettably and permanently 😦 ) or sometimes I do get the itch to skip it across the creek.
And yesterday of course I found a hawk feather! You know my sudden surprise at seeing a bird feather! What mysteries does this feather hold? I’ll wonder…I will keep it and carry it with me each time I go for a walk. A sort of protection I guess. You do remember I met a hawk at work, and I saw some more on my morning walk. Oh the thrill this weirdo birdo had.
I’m going to comprise a bunch of links to my bird doodles for you all to read. In case you forgot that I like birds. You’re welcome!
I think that about sums the birds all up! I didn’t know there were so many!
The first one (birds! And trees…mostly trees) was the second blog post I made back in 2010, so 14 years later…who is still writing about birds, huh? I went through and read my older posts. So much has changed, I don’t even know, I mean motherhood and growing up and all. I cried and I smiled and I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting to hear my voice! because I thought I never had one. But I heard it. It’s just a voice full of love. Or something like that. What a way to figure it out. I’m just glad I still have these pages here to remind me that I do have a mushy good voice, and that I am terribly human.
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