I blew the store up with code mush chocolate milk signs. Oh boy, now that I have had time to overthink everything, I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re not very good. Awful…
Creepy actually. I can see why my manager wasn’t exactly thrilled. I’m a weirdo! Ugh, and I also don’t know math very well. But I’ll be overthinking all weekend, so I don’t know what you’ll be up to. Good day…
But this one is different, weirder, and shrouded by its own fears and insecurities. Squawk! Squawk! Waaaaahhhh…
That would be me…ugh.
Just be weird! Just show up as your weird, loving self!
And then overthink about it until the day you die.
What are we talking about? Birds?
You know I had to doodle the eclipse. The earth and moon this time having a dance!
My little homage to
Mary Oliver’s poem, Wild Geese.
You do not have to be good
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like wild geese, harsh and exciting over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
It also was not that big but teeny tiny, like snails be. Oh it was moving its way around the pot!
I wanted to make a card for a friend who is having a baby, and something to give because that’s what I do..but I didn’t want to do the typical stork, I wanted to draw a more graceful bird. And I went with a crane.
And cranes are symbols of good fortune and longevity. And perhaps an origami crane for the little one as well? Ugh why so thoughtful? Why
I’ll probably decide to just chunk it.
I could be a graceful crane. Instead of flying to everyone and delivering babies, delivering love and appreciation.
Okay, I think I found my calling in life…the crane life. ❤️
Holding onto the past and it’s failures… The scrutiny of others and the scrutiny I show to myself and the shame that comes from falling short. We all make mistakes. We try and try to make it right, and we learn and grow from the experiences that shape who we are now. But sometimes the pain from the past creeps into your everyday and you can’t help but notice how everyone else shows you the same disdain and judgements, only to mirror it right back into your heart and your mind that you are ultimately no good.
In my yoga practice today we had to fill in the mantra I Create…now, as an artist of doodles (a doodler if you will) I could have filled in just about anything that is creative. I’m always creating, mostly creating imaginary scenarios…ugh..
But I went with what popped up first, developing intuition and all, so that was it. But it is befitting because I do create love. I think that anyone who has received a card(s) from me has felt some sort of love and appreciation. And I make them all personal in some way. And what is art if it isn’t a vulnerable side, state of you that stems from love? As hard as it is to show that side…I think I show it all the time really!
Well, I’m going to keep repeating my mantra tonight. Mostly to myself, and for myself assuredly.
And another half head coffee cup to end the evening.
This morning did not disappoint as I forced myself to get out and walk. As much as my mind was in a shameful disposition (hiding in my coffee cup of shamefulness…) and wanting to give up, I could only take a sip and try. The angels and the ancestors were there to tell me to keep going. There is more to come! Don’t give up! You have to keep going…no matter who or what keeps trying to tell you otherwise…
So here I am dancing with the butterflies. It was very hard, I tried to get them all, and did they seem to mind? Of course not.
There are a ton more, as you can see but they get a little redundant. There were several butterflies around but it was hard to capture them altogether, but some I did get them in the same shot. It’s almost like the very last moment of summer captured in these pictures. The sunflowers trying to keep on growing, and the butterflies giving their last moments to them. I feel the seasons beginning to change, in nature and in life. Maybe there is some uncertainty, surely that is inevitable, but I feel that in the moment nature is certainty. It keeps dancing to what it’s supposed to do. Give life, take life, and around all over again.
Here is another little dance with a beautiful butterfly.
I am proud of these pictures, I do NOT consider myself a photographer, but I like to take photos as a hobby. So I hope you enjoy them! The Doodler has hobbies other than doodling, of course!
Hiding in my cup of shame today.
I am no good today. Just want to hide for good.
Why is it that there are certain people in your life who can tear you down just when you are starting to feel better, to discover for once in your life that you are not trash? That you are treasure! Hah, I am a treasure not trash? Maybe?
But maybe you are the trash. Seems like everyone else believes it too.
Is there some way to keep the controlling manipulative people out of your life? I’d like to know… because it’s not just leaving, they will keep finding you. Keep finding your friends, your coworkers, everyone in your life to let everyone know you are trash. When you know that you’re not. But it doesn’t matter when you are quiet and keep to yourself. It doesn’t matter.
If you want to know what it’s like to be alone in life, have a bully in your life who will take every ounce of worth that you have in your body. Then you’ll know what it’s like to be all alone in this world. To feel like trash.
Because it doesn’t matter who you are. If you are a good person or not. It doesn’t matter. Because if they think you are trash then they will make sure everyone else believes it too.
So I’ll hide in my cup of shame today. Maybe forever.
Code Mush 