Monthly Archives: August 2024

Hanging onto August and it’s Failures

A bird hanging on instead of letting go…not realizing he can fly!
Coffee head thing… but different than the others
How I think of myself and how others think of me 90% of the time

Holding onto the past and it’s failures… The scrutiny of others and the scrutiny I show to myself and the shame that comes from falling short. We all make mistakes. We try and try to make it right, and we learn and grow from the experiences that shape who we are now. But sometimes the pain from the past creeps into your everyday and you can’t help but notice how everyone else shows you the same disdain and judgements, only to mirror it right back into your heart and your mind that you are ultimately no good.

I Create Love (Mush)

I Create

In my yoga practice today we had to fill in the mantra I Create…now, as an artist of doodles (a doodler if you will) I could have filled in just about anything that is creative. I’m always creating, mostly creating imaginary scenarios…ugh..

But I went with what popped up first, developing intuition and all, so that was it. But it is befitting because I do create love.  I think that anyone who has received a card(s) from me has felt some sort of love and appreciation. And I make them all personal in some way. And what is art if it isn’t a vulnerable side, state of you that stems from love? As hard as it is to show that side…I think I show it all the time really!

Well, I’m going to keep repeating my mantra tonight. Mostly to myself, and for myself assuredly.

I forgot to draw the super blue moon! Me! The person with a super blue moon tattoo! So here is a weird sun/moon mashup. It’s like the moon and sun illuminating each other’s light…more of this to come .

And another half head coffee cup to end the evening.

A Walk in Nature Part Two: Butterflies Dancing

This morning did not disappoint as I forced myself to get out and walk. As much as my mind was in a shameful disposition (hiding in my coffee cup of shamefulness…) and wanting to give up, I could only take a sip and try. The angels and the ancestors were there to tell me to keep going. There is more to come! Don’t give up! You have to keep going…no matter who or what keeps trying to tell you otherwise…

So here I am dancing with the butterflies. It was very hard, I tried to get them all, and did they seem to mind? Of course not.

There are a ton more, as you can see but they get a little redundant. There were several butterflies around but it was hard to capture them altogether, but some I did get them in the same shot. It’s almost like the very last moment of summer captured in these pictures. The sunflowers trying to keep on growing, and the butterflies giving their last moments to them. I feel the seasons beginning to change, in nature and in life. Maybe there is some uncertainty, surely that is inevitable, but I feel that in the moment nature is certainty. It keeps dancing to what it’s supposed to do. Give life, take life, and around all over again.

Here is another little dance with a beautiful butterfly.

I am proud of these pictures, I do NOT consider myself a photographer, but I like to take photos as a hobby. So I hope you enjoy them! The Doodler has hobbies other than doodling, of course!

Cup Of Shame

Hiding in my cup of shame

Hiding in my cup of shame today.

I am no good today. Just want to hide for good.

Why is it that there are certain people in your life who can tear you down just when you are  starting to feel better, to discover for once in your life that you are not trash? That you are treasure! Hah, I am a treasure not trash? Maybe?

But maybe you are the trash. Seems like everyone else believes it too.

Is there some way to keep the controlling manipulative people out of your life? I’d like to know… because it’s not just leaving, they will keep finding you. Keep finding your friends, your coworkers, everyone in your life to let everyone know you are trash. When you know that you’re not. But it doesn’t matter when you are quiet and keep to yourself. It doesn’t matter.

If you want to know what it’s like to be alone in life, have a bully in your life who will take every ounce of worth that you have in your body. Then you’ll know what it’s like to be all alone in this world. To feel like trash.

Because it doesn’t matter who you are. If you are a good person or not. It doesn’t matter. Because if they think you are trash then they will make sure everyone else believes it too.

So I’ll hide in my cup of shame today. Maybe forever.

I Just Want to Hide, Okay?

Another half head in coffee cup

I really dig the idea of the half head in the coffee cup. Sort of half awake, half there, the idea of being a little there but not really. Wanting to be seen, but also wanting to be unseen. Wanting to be visible, but also invisible. Wanting to get to know others, but also want to be safe and secure in my bubble ( of coffee) away from everyone. Does everyone battle these polarities?

I wonder when I’ll finally make them complete.

Oh,

Oh, just here being weird and sad

Oh, just creeping around the corner to let you know I’m still here, just being weird and sad lately. Times call you to go inward and reflect on certain things. Certain actions, or patterns you keep seeing turn up in your life. Knowing you can change just by stepping back and thinking. Thinkin’ about things. Thinkin’ ’bout thungs. Thunkin’ ‘boot t’ings. You know, personally I feel intense lately and got to feel it out.

By goin’ on a walk about? …find out, what it’s all about!

Hahaha who knows that song?

Carnation Sketch

I don’t do many flower doodles. I guess I like to doodle stuff with a face. Or if I can put a face on it I’ll doodle it. And any time I put eyes on a flower it just takes the essence of flowers away. I don’t think plants need faces. Trees especially. They have a quality about them that sees everything, knows more than we know and doesn’t need a face. If that makes sense…

Crappy little carnation Sketch

Crappy is the carnation that gets drawn by me. Quick little stupid sketch.

Feeling the UGHS of my life lately…