A fresh off the old mush block, a brand new kind of Valentine. One I created for myself but may resonate with anyone dealing with loving yourself or forgiving yourself. I don’t know who wrote the quote so forgive me, I must not take credit for it. But I think when I read it, “oh yeah I punish myself all the time for the things I have done.” But there was a lesson in all of it. It weighs heavy sometimes.
Set it free!
I made a vegan pizza! Yes, with some already made vegan pizza crust I bought from the store, added some sauce, arugula and spinach, and fake mozzarella. I had a hard time getting over the fake mozzarella as I am a lover of cheese. ooey, gooey mozzarella really does make a pizza so it was hard to overcome the lack of gooeyness this pizza had. Taste and texture wise just bleh. I am trying. I have gone vegan before in my teenage years, but there were not as many options available for plant based items like there are now. and I was kind of unhealthy in weight, under weight that is, and was very self conscious about my weight (go figure, a self conscious nut job). I really am not trying to lose weight as I am really just wanting to feel better. Feel better about my self image (that “cinnamon roll for my fat rolls” put downs have got to go), have more energy and keep up with my kids. I’ve always loved cooking with veggies because of my grandmother and my father who always helped me learn to cook my own food. If I were going to be vegan I had to learn to make it myself, since no one would join the vegan bandwagon with me back then. So I bestow a heaping veggie gratitude (and mush love) to them. They have passed on, and they still continue to guide me through life with what they’ve taught me. So I must keep on vegging on, and hope that this will instill some veggie love to my kids. I do realize I have enabled their bad habits and I want to be better. It’s hard as a working mom, a tired and stressed mom, and just overall invisible self to come out and teach others, how to live and how to be a good human when I think of myself as barely a person. It’s sad, but if you knew me you would say “such a quiet, reserved person..she really could blend into the walls that one.” and it’s sad but a lot of people prefer me to be that way. Or just used to it, because they can kind of make up their own narrative about me, so they see me as how they would like me to be. And combined with being a super ultra people pleasing prat, I just don’t know how to defend my true honest self without even knowing or how to aim to show that to anyone. So I guess this is my way of coming out of my shell, through words, art and…well, here I am. Ta da…
-CM
Code Mush 