Life is always going to be messy. Total chaos and sadness!
I watched a movie recently where it’s set in a small town by the sea, and everyone is effected by this love letter that was left lying around a bookstore. And people keep finding it and thinking someone wrote it for them. Eventually you find out in the end who wrote it, but it’s an adorable film (adapted by a book by the same title, the Love Letter by Catheline Schine). I just thought the line that the character played by Tom Selleck (spelled his name right?) let me see if I can paraphrase:
Helen: Can you forgive me?
George: Forgive you for what? For being human?
Messy, fucked up…that’s the good stuff, Helen.
I think everyone in the town is living, loving all because of this letter. And messing it all up in the process.
I’m truly dumb. In the heart. But I wish I owned my own bookstore or worked at one.
Half head with its big dumb brain exposed, embarrassed and hiding.
I really do hope I come up with some better ideas besides birds, brains, heads, slugs, and turtles. But until then those will be in heavy rotation on the mush site! Sorry, but consistency seems to be therapeutic!!
I haven’t had the inspiration to write lately, just been quite stuck in my stupid thoughts. So I’ll just show you the couple of doodles I did this week. I’m sure you’ve seen the news about the hurricane that hit Texas. We were impacted by it, but luckily not as severe as some. It was an interesting week! Here is a birdo blowing away!
Mountain Dreamin’
And a half finished, I guess, doodle of some mountains. I have been wanting to take a trip out to Big Bend. I haven’t been since I was a kid. I want to know what fascinated my dad about the place, as I only remember mere glimpses of the mountains. I do love them so! And we were very close to Big Bend a couple of years ago in the Davis mountains. So yeah, the mountains be calling me!!
Oh, here I am in the Davis mountains 3 years ago!
And my ancestors roamed the areas. Have you heard of the Comanche springs? And the Comanche war trails? Some intersect through that area. I guess also a part of my soul, if our ancestors can somehow live inside us, a tiny fleck in our soul longs to be there again. As if maybe I somehow, one way or another, have lived there before…when I think about longing, that’s what I think. Some part of my soul dwells there in another life, or my ancestors still call out to me. Maybe that’s why my Dad loved the place too. It called out to him. Sometimes we’re unaware of what longing is, or what’s calling out to us. Fear sets in. Doubts. Sometimes longing leads to dead ends, heart breaks, trouble, but we wind up learning something. That is also longing. Longing to grow and learn about ourselves. So you must trust that nothing and everything will go right/wrong. It’s up to you to understand it I guess. I told you my mind is somewhere deep in the recesses of turmoil and struggle. Maybe just a good night’s sleep and a good walk in nature perhaps. Or some more doodles. Get your head out of the clouds!
Slowly but surely I will rise, be able to speak but as it is I am a half head and lack the voice. The voice it isn’t there, must, need to find it authentically!
Coffee do your thang. A jittered jumble of jabbered words perhaps, well it’s a start. Finding authentic voice through mumbled mush. Morsh.
I’ve been doodling a lot of half heads lately. The theme after brains? Half heads! and now…the other half. You won’t see much of the other half but here’s one. Here’s to Half Heads and feeling like half a person or hiding half yourself. Yeah, that’s more like it.
You can’t go wrong with the traditional at Halloween. The jack o lanterns, the ghosts, the goblins, the Frankensteins. I mean that’s what holidays are for, the traditional. To make us feel that sweet sense of nostalgia. To make us feel like a kid again. So I’m not the least bit ashamed at my dorky drawings. The fact that Frankenstein’s mask looks like a gorilla Frankenstein. But whatever. I’ve always drawn shitty and I still keep doing it anyway. I mean mushy… I always think squashed up shit. I mean for an attractive woman it would be cute ‘n quirky, but for someone like me, it’s like shit ass weirdo. Like dirt bag weird, not cutesy weird that people find cool. Ugh let me tell you the most embarrassing story that should have made me quit art for good.
I was volunteering at the fall fest at our high school, I myself a high school student at the time. And for whatever reason, or that I just wasn’t good at all at painting on faces, I just couldn’t remember how to draw. Or to even spell for that matter. My ghosts look like floating white blobs on a face, the butterflies…I’m pretty sure made a girl cry. But the worst, the WORST was a boy wanted me to write 2 PAC on his face. And I wrote 2 PAK. 2PAK. I realized after that I spelled it wrong and didn’t want to show the boy his face paint. But that kid walked around the fall fest with 2 PAK on his face the whole night. He probably got his face laughed at all night. I remember it to this day. And sometimes at night when I can’t sleep I think about that and crack up but also wonder why the hell I still draw. I’ve done a lot of dumb shit, misslepelled things. I did that one on purpose. But events words I’ve gotten the meaning wrong. So I’m a mushy dumb weirdo. But don’t stop! Don’t quit!
I guess. All you spooky weirdos have a good Halloween!
“Is my carved out wannabe scary face scary enough for these malicious ghosts?”
“Will I be too scary? You know, for the toddlers?”
“My back side is kind of lumpy? Will they laugh instead of scream?”
Once you carve a face into a pumpkin that’s when the doubt creeps in. So watch their floating conversation bubbles tonight and hope they’re kind to themselves. Because all jack o lanterns are spooky, cool and scary but not too scary, etc!
And getting the oil changes, inspection and tire rotation done (so haven’t been completely lazy. Plus I’m doing laundry continually for the rest of my life so I could never be lazy).
Halloween costumes are set, Jack Skelington and Luigi. They can’t change their minds and the costumes fit so nothing to get bent out of shape over. And then later this evening we’ll make our way to the fair! Doing all the Fall things.
And also I’ve been absent from the wee ol’ blog page, sorry about that. The school year has started and I’ve been busy plus also a slug? If that’s possible. A boot scootin’ slug, man. Going through many changes and lack of description over those details remains a mystery to you all…and to me as well as I still remain committed to NOT changing or evolving ever. But events have forced me to, so I’d rather not say…ugh just Ugh. UUUUGGGGHHHH
Code Mush 