Monthly Archives: January 2023

Small Saturday Bird

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Stay Small and Invisible! Stay small and ashamed of your own song…

Does a bird ever feel too small and invisible? Probably not, because its song can be heard from a far. To be enjoyed by all. To carry onward into the morning light…

Saturday Bird with Coffee

Does it need coffee to wake up? or probably just some grubby worms will do? A wake up call to its nearby friends, letting them know you’re here to survive another day. The pull to belong with its own song.

So why does it feel impossible to sing my own song? Why when I try I feel a sense of shame? to curl back inside myself, to never be heard from again.

I don’t like the judgments and criticisms of others. do birds shame other birds? like humans shame other humans?

do birds make mistakes? like humans, never to get over them and have an overwhelming sense of regret?

No, nature isn’t as complicated as the human is, and human relationships and the like. So complicated. When really it’s not if we could only break down walls, connect with each other through understanding, empathy and compassion. I feel the world is lacking these things. I feel there are so many out there hurting. And not a single person is there to reach out to them because we don’t see them, or understand them.

Code Mush News for the Week

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January 25, 2023
January 26,2023
January 24,2023

The daily news from Code Mush, summed up on a Friday. Where sadly, there was no news today but maybe something will happen tomorrow. Who knows? it’s Mush News! Where newsdom is a word, newsworthy is everything BUT yo’ mama, and Isaac Newton eats fig newtons in a newly knitted sweater.

January 27, 2023

false quote from Newton himself: I daresay, this newton is extraordinary, like the cosmos itself.

Well, I guess Isaac Newton made the news for Friday then! Since I just made that up today. And yes, news must be mandatory made up mush. kind of like a crumbled up fig newton that was in your lunch and got smooshed by your drink. All senseless, I say, SENSELESS.

I don’t like when I’m trying to be funny. It sounds like I’m trying too hard. And only is mush news so bad, that it’s seriously trying too hard to be newsworthy and impressionable. Yes indeedy too much. Like a mom trying to dance to one of her kid’s favorite songs and just looks like an old worn out washing machine, thud thu thud thu. off balance! hair tossing in the face and got a goofy grin.

too much. you’re too much. too much mush.

Mediocre, Monster Mom

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This picture sums up the accuracy of what I look like trying to be a good mom and a good person even though I’m screwing it up everyday and have no idea what I’m doing. I want to have the level of security and confidence (and humorous ease) that some people have when it comes to parenthood and life in general. It’s like they knew, planned, have resources, have friends, have that village that they can rely on. Everyone looking out for each other, I don’t know what that feels like. Am I having a pity party over here? Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes, but also I’m just mad and envious and all kinds of frustrated. I’m quiety (quiety?…yes) I don’t know how to start small conversations because I don’t know who I am. I spend my time worrying about pleasing people and making them feel at ease and agreeing with what they say, but I do like conversing, I do have a small voice. About the sun, or how your kids are doing.

I think one day I will find the village, when I can tell my husband I am a good person and I can have friends that you can’t control who they are anymore!! when I stop thinking I have to be like everybody else, and worrying about people judging me all the time. And maybe when I don’t think I’m a piece of shit. Or a blob. Maybe I can be a blob and just accept it. Maybe there are other mediocre, monster mom blobs out there. I picture these blobs wobbling to the park with their kids…oh yeah, you’re a weird mom too? Hey, maybe you have a ton of regrets and are on the verge of a nervous breakdown too? I’m here for you too blob, i’m here for you too…

Blueberry Pancakes in the Sky are Divine

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I’m dreaming of blueberry pancakes in the sky…

I made myself ONE blueberry pancake today that was divine. So divine I pictured it floating in the sky with the clouds, other worldly..heavenly ..it was just that good to me. Maybe because I have a slight obsession with blueberry pancakes. Not just regular pancakes, they’re okay and I’ll eat a stack of ’em regardless, but blueberry pancakes, there is something about them I absolutely love! I like warm blueberries that squish in your mouth, and that sweet taste of maple syrup, ahh I love everything about blueberries really. It takes me back to my grandmother’s and her blueberry scones, and her blueberry bushes picking bowls full of them as a kid. It also takes me back to a family road trip to the Texas hill country where my Uncle insisted we try the Bluebonnet Cafe in Marble Falls. I was about 8 or 9? and I don’t really remember any details of that trip except that cafe and those blueberry pancakes. I recently went back to the Bluebonnet Cafe and regretfully (I don’t know why, maybe I was worried that they wouldn’t live up to the 8 year hype since it was 30 years later! and I was feeling bloated…ugh) I didn’t get the blueberry pancakes! I wish I had, but everything there just looked good so I had to try something else. I just won’t wait another 30 years to go back. They sell pies too. Pies! It’s a hopping, nostalgic place.

But as I was dreaming of pancakes in the sky, I remembered that yesterday as I was perusing my photo gallery on my phone, I noticed an alarming amount of photos of blueberry pancakes. I will share them with you. Because you need some pancakes ad nauseam. Especially since you’re all probably dieting, or trying to lose weight, or just staying away from the sugar (yes, that’s why I only had 1 today!)

I think I will start a trend and keep taking pictures of my blueberry pancakes until I have a whole book titled “Blueberry Pancakes are Divine” or “Blueberry Pancakes in the Sky” and have my floating blueberry pancake drawing on the cover. And then I can meet more blueberry pancake aficionados!

I CAN!

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I CAN! is the mantra for the day, for the whole year, how bouts it? I finally got onto the yoga mat, after months of yoga lethargy…lethargy in general. I could see my progress slip away as the months passed by and I continued to get lazier and lazier..but as usual, a new year is generally the the time to get back on track to getting healthier. So after seeing my chewed up, scratched up, dirtied up with dog print yoga mat, I decided to get a new one. So I broke it in this evening! it’s a nice foresty looking green color (this color is actually not even close to the correct color, it’s a little more green, like a fern green but I had already started coloring so what the hell, went with it).

As hard as it is for me to get any motivation or momentum, I want to continue staying on track! I usually always have some kind of “new year, new me” momentum going that first week of January. First week…

How do I keep this momentum going into 2023? I know life is going to set in, with its setbacks, its stresses, its shittiness…but can I keep that momentum, that anticipation that I CAN get my goals and dreams in motion? Or do I slow that anticipation down, breathe, live in the moment, and let life unfold as it will…I don’t know, I think it’s a combination of both. Stay grounded, while flowing with that excitement that we CAN do what we set out to do, if our minds can see past the doldrums, the chaoses, the shits…I know chaoses isn’t a word, it’s not plural but what the hell chaos is many sometimes! and it must be stressed in a new plural form!!

CHAOSESSSSSSSSSSSS

But I CAN ride the momentum…like a magic carpet yoga mat! flying into the air, using my arms like I’m on a surfboard and do the impossibles… get off my lazy butt!

2023 Floating Head of Dismay

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2023 Floating Head of Dismay

To keep traditions going, here is another Floating Head of Dismay. Since we’ve all been melting down since 2020, or maybe even longer, we support the traditions that keep us from losing our sanity going on stronger than ever! So, I can’t promise like I did last year that I would keep drawing crazy faces everyday, but I can promise there will be a new one every new year I hope?

I love traditions and I love repetitions, so lets go henceforth into the new year with dismay! and maybe even a little more goofiness than ever before!!

close up to add dramatic effect and repetition!

HAPPIEST OF NEW YEARS!!!

-CM